Sunday, December 11, 2011


I have ppl in my life who build up rather than belittle, care rather than criticize and only interrupt when they feel I'm not giving myself enough credit. They laugh with me or even at me but never at my expense. I leave our conversations feeling better not worse and they seem to really believe I could conquer the world. They prefer to celebrate my successes and overlook my shortcomings and lead me to feel optimistic instead of anxious. They speak the truth from their hearts so it never wounds. I guess when you're surrounded by ppl like that the pettiness of others doesn't matter so much.


Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Sunday, November 13, 2011


Well, we survived another dance competition weekend. My lil Diva did great! She is on the competition team this year instead of doing a solo and she's loving it. We took the girls to Dance Masters of America in Pampa, TX this weekend. After a crazy, stressful, busy, fantic time leading up to it, the actual performance time was about 2 minutes. I was holding my breath every second of it, lol. Afterward was watching more performances, receiving medals and then classes the next day. Then home again. It was a whirlwind weekend to say the least. I am very proud of my sweet girl. She worked her hardest, did her best, handled everything very maturely and remained gracious, polite, and respectful through it all. I am a proud dance mom for sure!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Sab's Bricktown Birthday

Celebrated the birthday of my best friend of 11 years last night. It seems surreal that we could be who & where we are now. Looking back makes me feel old but accomplished. I think of us impulsive, naive college girls and how much has filled our lives over the years. Sometimes it's nice to just pretend we're still those two young crazy girls. Sometimes it's nice to just hang with someone who makes you laugh so hard your stomach hurts the next day. I need my girlfriends like I need air to breathe. Time with them is necessary for my sanity. I'm so lucky to have a husband who understands that. Though I feel like I fail them more than I wish, I'm so very thankful to have so many significant people in my life.


Saturday, October 22, 2011

The right to choose our own friends

What to do when you find yourself backed into a corner..

When a friend confirms to us that the world is as we see it, we feel safer, reassured. We are in harmony. Our level of insecurity determines how much danger we sense when a falling out occurs. It determines our reaction, or over-reaction to the fall-out.

An injured friend is the bitterest of foes.
Thomas Jefferson

One would do well to remember this.

"Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends."
- Jacques Delille (1738 - 1813) French poet.

I believe this yes, but it's not that easy.

"The friendship that can cease has never been real."
- Saint Jerome
I can see truth in this.. or is it that sometimes friendships are just for a season..

"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me."
- Henry Ford

And what is the one who brings out the worst?

"I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

That's right.. when they are r e a l . .

"A friend to all is a friend to none."
- Aristotle

I can't afford to waste myself on unauthentic relationships. I cannot put effort into a relationship that is not of value. I have too many real, important relationships to care for.

Sometimes you have to weigh a relationship on it's merits. If it brings more drama & stress to your life than it is worth then maybe it's time to let it go. It's a hard decision to make and can be painful but we are supposed to choose our friends carefully. Fate decides who comes into our lives but it is up to us who we hold on to. I'm letting go.


Monday, October 17, 2011

Isn't it awesome when you don't have to wait long

My questions & hurt.. this is how God answered me this morning.. new favorite song..

Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

You're gonna have all of me 
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you


Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me

All of Me by Matt Hammitt from Sanctus Real


Sunday, October 16, 2011

Ammo < Grace

The problem with letting someone in is that you're giving them ammo to use against you if they are ever displeased with you & so choose to do so. A person who knows you well has all the tools they need to completely devastate & destroy you in an instant by just the right combination of words. How powerful is that? How can we ever trust another flawed human being with our hearts?

What kind of insanity comes over us in that moment when we bare our souls to someone? Why would we ever want to expose ourselves in that way? Why let your guard down.. why allow yourself to ever be vulnerable?

It's because that's the only way to love & be loved in return.

Oh God, why did you make it that way? Why can't we have love without pain? Why can't our relationships with others just be pleasant and not hurt so much?

Emotions are fleeting but we may find ourselves feeling this way: STOP LETTING THEM IN! No more AMMO!  Pray about it and that's it. It's done. I don't need to share my pain. I will keep it to myself. And what I've already shared, I can't take it back but I can STOP LETTING IT HURT ME NOW! I can make those words mean NOTHING to me if I try hard enough. It's not my truth, it's just words aimed as a weapon. I just need to have my shield ready.

See, the problem with hurting someone intentionally is that even though you may have won the battle in that moment, you've really lost. You've lost a piece of their trust that you can't get back. They'll probably forgive you, but you tore them down and they won't be able to just forget that even if they want to. You have done damage to the relationship that is hard to erase.

Thankfully we have a God who is able to do what we cannot. He can forgive completely and wipe the slate clean. He IS unconditional love. His love overpowers any scars and makes us better than we are. We can turn to his loving arms and bury ourselves in his peace.. let it wash over us like an ocean wave crashing to the shore and taking away our pain. He loves us enough that we don't need to be loved any more than we already are. His grace is enough.


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Anger is the result of frustrated expectations

No one in this world owes you a thing.. so when ya get to thinking somebody has let you down it's probably time to start checkin your expectations.

I've been switching from guilt to self loathing to hopelessness to depression to resentment & on it goes. As if I wasn't hard enough on myself. I just can't seem to keep from disappointing people these days.
I don't know how I can do it all.. it feels impossible when there's so much to do and so many people to keep happy and..  just like that it hits me..
You can't.
It's my old approval addiction rearing it's ugly head. I don't have to feel guilty for not living up to someone's expectations.

"Just do your best 'cause that's the best you can do."

I've gotta let it go. My apologies if I haven't been doing enough for you lately. I'm truly sorry I haven't been involved enough in your life. If you feel neglected or undervalued just know that wasn't my intention. I do care, in fact I care too much.

I've been pouring myself out into 24 little hearts, some of which break mine into a million little pieces. I've been fighting to stay on top of my paperwork piles, schedules, chores & to-do lists and at the top of my game each day because falling behind is not an option. I know you don't understand the depth of all that but all I'm asking for is a little grace. You don't know all the struggles I've had the past month and that's okay. God does. I don't need you to do anything for me. I just ask that you cut me some slack if I seem distracted or self absorbed. I really am doing the best I can.


Wednesday, October 5, 2011

just another bump in the road

Here we go again. Substitute called in. 2 hr drive. Stressful heavy traffic. Anxiety producing exams. Back home by dark.
Today was supposed to be the start of the weaning off the splint process. Just the daytime splint of course. The nighttime one is a permanent fixture in my world. However, due to my lack of sleep, the stupid stubborn rib, and the awful tension headaches of the past month Doc has decided to delay it. He says if we can get all that stuff ironed out then I can start the process on Nov. 1st. Fingers crossed.
It is a very detailed, structured plan with five stages. The first is going without the appliance for one hour after each meal. If no symptoms return and no pain worsens that week then I move on to stage 2 and so on.
Best case scenario would be if months from now I am able to have my teeth touching again by some miracle with no reoccurrence of symptoms or back-sliding. This is only a fantasy for me I'm afraid. Five years ago when I'd made it this far, my bite was off but at least I wasn't in pain.
I'm just hoping I don't have to climb in that cubby thing with my head strapped to the backboard and the x-ray machine circulating around my head slowly while I fight to stay perfectly still again for a long long time..The good news is that looking at those scans today he was able to see signs that the bone is starting to regenerate around the damaged joint on the right side. Hopefully this means the joint will be strong enough one day to prevent another dislocation or further damage. 
Long story short, the journey continues.
Best thing I heard all day? I don't have to go back again until FEBRUARY. Hallelujah


Tuesday, October 4, 2011

time for a change

The theme in my life right now seems to be that I suck at life. No really. I am so self absorbed and have too much going on all the time. I've neglected relationships with the most important people while trying to keep up with too many other people. When my kids are talking to me these days I catch myself drifting in & out of the conversation overwhelmed by all my brain & heart is dealing with right now.
WARNING! Complaint time:::: I am so emotionally drained and completely exhausted. I have a headache I can't seem to shake that in moments of silence, like right now, I want to shove my fist thru my forehead to make it stop. I can't seem to get any rest. I've had intense dreams that don't make any sense but keep me up at night. That stupid rib keeps going out and I'm about to lose my mind over it. My stress level is way up as stuff keeps coming at me and my tmj pain is about a 6 right now as I catch myself clenching my teeth once again. Something's gotta give!:::: Now back to normal programming.
So what do you do when you realize it's time for a change? How do you cut back on things? How do you MAKE more time when there's none there? I am re-evaluating how I spend my time. For me it's not hours in a day, it's events in a week. I guess I gotta learn how to say "No." I need to take a good look at my priorities. I just can't do everything I want to do. I can't be there for everyone all the time. I can't do it all.. as much as I want to.
I know this is going to let some people down and that is really hard for me, but I've already let the people down who matter most and that feels even worse. God is definitely leading me on this one. It's unbelievable how in my face it all is. There comes a point where you have to take action. I get that things aren't well balanced so what am I going to do to fix it?


Monday, October 3, 2011

Double wedding weekend

First of all let me say that the Firefighter was on shift all 48 hours of Friday/Saturday. It always seems to fall that way doesn't it.
We had a wedding to attend in the city Friday night. This being a family friend affair my childcare options were nil for that day. This was a problem because the kids didn't have school that day but I did. I finally found a friend who let them stay over there. Which, btw, her child ended up having strep-throat so we will see if we escaped that one or not.. but I was sure grateful she kept them for me!
After the unspeakable insanity of the day, I picked up the kids and road-raged catching every single red light on the way home leaving myself about 30 mins to be changed & ready for the wedding, not to mention have both kids ready as well. It was 2 hours away so I was applying make-up in the car as the Firefighter drove us. The ceremony was lovely and we even got to try an appetizer at the reception before we had to dash. We got home before midnight and he went back to work as the kids & I went to bed.
The next day I drove an hour away (and back)to meet my mother so she could keep the kids for me while I attended another wedding. I got home, got ready in a flash & the Firefighter, my Bessstest & I hustled to the next town for wedding number 2. He actually got to eat the meal this time before he had to get back to the FD. I had a wonderful time with my best friends and was so glad to be there but man I was dragging the next day. We left early to go get the kids from my parents.. another 2 hours of driving.. and spent the rest of the day trying to get caught back up on everything. Now I've started the week already wore out. Just glad we got thru this one. Looking at the calendar for the coming month has me nervous that we'll even survive the rest! ha, you think I'm joking but I'm totally not =/


Sunday, September 25, 2011

Hunger Games Trilogy

If you haven't heard about this series yet you need to get you some new friends! Ha! Seriously though if you're looking for something intriguing and captivating you have found it. If you're not a big reader maybe you should start reading the first page of the first book and just see what happens. I DARE you not to get hooked right from the start!
I was consumed by the characters, the Capitol-controlled world, the Hunger Games, and the sadness. I marveled over the idea of living with real hunger every day. By the time I'd finished the third book all I could do was sit there and feel empty. I was so sad this journey I'd been on was over. A part of me had been longing for a fairy tale ending in which true love won out and my hero, Katniss, the warrior princess would emerge victorious over all, including her own demons. I had been pulling for Peeta since the very beginning and just knew he would come out on top though I loved Gale dearly all the way through as well. I have to admit I felt disappointed when I came to the conclusion of the love triangle but I felt it was realistic rather than trite and I liked that about it.
The first two books, through gripping story lines and deep character interactions had me mesmerized and I quite literally couldn't put them down. I sacrificed a lot of sleep as I went deeper and deeper into the world of the Hunger Games. I found myself comparing our world today and thinking how we aren't that far off from this new kind of reality.. a little more government control, a bit more violence, a smidge more reality-tv and there we are.
The third book, however, I found to be chilling, heart-wrenching, devastating.. even depressing. I wanted good things to happen to my beloved characters and instead it just continued to go downhill in a way that I couldn't have imagined. I flew through it out of a sheer need to see the resolution. Getting to the end turned out, for me, to be the worst thing of all. It broke my heart but I think it was absolutely perfect for characters who were so damaged and disturbed by war and death.
I think these books are brilliantly written. They are suspenseful, daring, and tragic. I absolutely loved reading them and already want to start again. These are about as highly recommended as I can express. Read them all! And then come tell me how much you loved them too! ;)


recap of the week

My new thermal scan is on the top. That's
 my old scan on the bottom-from March.
It's been 6 months since I began and
while I'm still in crisis care, the
improvement shown here is just amazing.
It's been such a busy week. I had a professional day on Monday where I received child abuse training.. definitely not fun ;( tho sadly necessary.. and then we went bowling which included some fun team building activities. With my rib being out the past few weeks I was weary of the bowling, so I went straight to the chiro after. This being the 3rd adjustment on it I was really sore. Thankfully she was able to get the rib further in and I am breathing easier now. The pain has gone from stabbing to just plain annoying. I went again a few days later and had a rib out on the other side too. Great. The positive side is that my neck is finally loosened up and I have much more mobility. The expensive pillow seems to have done the trick. So nice to not have pain when I move my head around now.

Friday some of my teacher-friends & I went to OKC to hear the amazing Larry Bell on high expectations raising student achievement. He is the best public speaker I think I've ever seen and it was an encouraging, motivating session. We enjoyed a delicious sushi lunch and stopped for some Marble Slab on the way home. It was a really great day! I spent the evening out with the fam at my in-law's house.
Saturday started the Firefighter's 48 hr shift so the kids & I slept in and enjoyed some lazy time together. The Diva had a birthday party to go to and then the 3 of us headed over to a friend's house for some girl time for me & playtime for them. My Ladiez & I ate finger foods we'd brought while we passed around the new baby and talked and laughed and eventually watched Bridesmaids. Girlfriends are the BEST therapy.. :D

Sunday I enjoyed a powerful sermon on living beyond reproach from 1 Timothy 3. I felt convicted about the idea of living a life along the edge of sin. It really got me thinking about how close to that line I have a habit of being. Pastor Jason pointed out that a bad day may cause you to stumble and how close you already were to that line is what makes all the difference in whether you cross over it into sin. Also I contemplate what my life looks like to others because that is what represents me. If I am too close to that line it may make it hard for people to see which side of it I am on.
After church the kiddos spent the day at Pappy & Nana's while I went with some Book Club gals to go see "The Help." It was really good, even to us who really loved the book.
Now I've gotten the kids off to bed and am looking over my schedule. I am double booked way too many times. Wow. What a crazy month this is going to be. We've got weddings, a whole slew of birthdays, and 2 showers coming up. Thinking about how everything is going to work out makes me tired. Think I will head to bed. I've just finished the Hunger Games Trilogy which leaves me feeling a huge sense of loss that it's over. Guess I will start on the next Book Club selection which I'm supposed to have read by next Tuesday. Good night all.


Sunday, September 18, 2011


It's a time of testing. I wish I'd have known that 2 weeks ago when it first began. I feel like maybe if I'd have been more prepared?.. but no, we never know when we will be under attack. We are supposed to be guarded and armed with the Word of God at all times for a reason.
I find myself wondering how I've done in the big scheme of things. I feel as if just surviving was quite the accomplishment but I don't know how much actual truth is in that. The truth is probably more like I could've handled a few things better. I could've been more Christ-like I'm certain. I think my problem lies in the fact that I rely too much on myself instead of falling at the foot of the cross and accepting that I can do NOTHING without Him. Clearly God is showing me that I am stubborn and it takes a lot to bring me to my knees in complete surrender.
Why do I think 'getting by' is enough? In the middle of a complete break down I became aware that I was under attack on all fronts. I was completely surrounded so to speak. I'd fought off emotions and tried to appear "normal" throughout the miserable moments as if pretending would make it all go away. Without too much detail about the people & confrontations involved, I can see now how my defenses were weakened.
For one, I've been in physical pain. My tmj hasn't been too bad besides the headaches but I have a rib out that makes it difficult to take deep breaths. No matter what my chiropractor has tried, it refuses to give. Secondly, there was a complete communication breakdown that prevented me from being comforted by the person I turn to for everything. Messages &  phone calls were never received.. and only from that one person. Strange coincidence? When we were finally able to talk in person, Satan seized the moment to say the least.
I have also dealt with a lot of petty drama which caused quite the distraction. And of course my anxiety has been off the charts. It is usually something I can manage but it has overtaken me. With my mind reeling and my heart hurting I have stumbled and fought thru one of those times when nothing seems to be going right.
I'm so thankful for dear friends who've prayed for me, spoke truth into my life, encouraged me, and just been there beside me while I cried it out. I've been so self-absorbed and haven't been a good friend lately I know.
I can't confidently say that things are going to get back to normal now, for all I know it may be just the beginning, but I am feeling real peace for the first time since this started. I know that my Heavenly Father knows what's best for me and that my comfort in the moment is not always what's best. I feel safe in His loving arms and under His protection. I will keep praying for HIS WILL over all and have Faith that I'm on the right path. If not, He will redirect me I know.


My Remedy

I know where to go
To heal my heart to sooth my soul
When everything's spinning out of control, I know, 
I know just living life can get so crazy day and night
But I've got somebody by my side, by my side
Everytime I cry and I wanna hide
Feeling like I'm damaged on the inside
You know just what to do

You've got what I need
You're the remedy
That's why I'm keeping You close, You close
You know what's best for me
My only therapy
Jesus, your love is my hope, my hope
You're my remedy, You're my remedy
You're my remedy, You're my remedy

On point, off-track
One step forward, two steps back
Some days are gonna be just like that
Just like that
You're my medicine
Relieve my pain again and again
Always take me back no matter where I've been, where I've been
Everytime it hurts and it doesn't work
Feeling like it never could get any worse
I go running to You

And everytime I come knocking at Your door
You make me feel like I'm the only one that You adore
The only one You do this for
The only one that You call Yours, I'm Yours


Monday, August 29, 2011

pinterest project

Handprint wreath.. this is what it looked like on pinterest

And this is what mine turned out like. 

I let each student choose the color of paper they wanted and did their handprint in white tempura paint. I cut them out and glued them onto a posterboard I cut to a wreath shape. I plan to take it down at the end of the year and put the hands in the memory books. Easy, fun and I think it turned out pretty cute. Pinterest rocks! :)

Sent from Samsung mobile

Friday, August 26, 2011

Picking up

I got to pick my babies up from school today. I love that I get to do that this year. Their school gets our an hour later than mine so it works out perfectly. I love being the one that has them hopping up & down and waving excitedly when I pull up. I love getting to be the first one to hear the stories and details of why today was the 'best day ever'. For my son it's all about the food. He says the burritos are phenomenal. He says they taste like from our favorite restaurant and he went back for thirds. He really likes his teacher, but last year's teacher gave them icing so she's still winning for now. LoL. For my daughter, it's all about how she feels. She says her teacher is super cool and a girl told her she was pretty today & braided her hair. They are both very happy at their new school and I couldn't be happier. Knowing you made the right choice is one of the best feelings in the world.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Truth for Tuesday :)

No one has yet fully realized the wealth of sympathy, kindness, and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure- Emma Golmam


Saturday, August 20, 2011

Ready or not..

School has officially begun for me. I have 2 whole insane first days under my belt now and 172 to go. Despite various other challenges facing me this year, I have FOUR students with the same name- yes I said FOUR! All but one have the same spelling and two of them have the same last initial. Not sure what I will do with that yet.
Not allowing myself a second to mourn the loss of peaceful, laid back summer, on Monday I plan to hit the ground running. I'm starting phonics lessons & all kinds of assessments. My room is organized and tidy and I have the first few weeks planned out already. I also brought all my student workbooks home and tore out all the pages & sorted them by chapters/lessons for the entire year.

It's my 5th year of teaching first grade and I feel like with all I've already been thru, I'm capable of handling anything.

Yep. I'm ready alright.
Bring. It. On.

Sunday, August 14, 2011


Sunday Stealing:

1. God is ALWAYS at work
2. We can ALWAYS have more of God
3. We can ALWAYS glorify God with our lives
4. A new Heaven and a new earth is coming for those who believe

Believers should be the encouragers of others. We have Hope because we belong to Him. We should be the ones who remain calm, thanking God ALWAYS and meditating on the promises of God.

Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:19
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Sometimes Jesus calms the storm. Sometimes he calms the man within the storm.


Saturday, August 13, 2011

more 30ths comin'

Celebrating 30th birthdays these days and I gotta say I still don't feel like we could actually be THIRTY. If it's true that you're only as old as you feel, I think, perhaps, we'll be young forever. :)

Having girlfriends keeps me young. They keep me laughing through life and distract me from myself. We celebrate our lives together and I love that.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Little Moments

Today was a fun day at home with a little errand running. The days that the Firefighter comes off shift and we get to be all home together are always my favorite. Funny how appreciative you are of your time when you've been missing one another. 
It was the Diva's first day back at dance. After planning her "perfect outfit" she jumped right in to the new hip-hop class which she absolutely loved.

Then we went to the kids' Back to School night. My Superhero walks right in the door and walks with his head up taking it all in. He acts like he owns the place, lol. My sweet girl, however, is so nervous. She's had different experiences than he has, not that she wasn't already timid enough to begin with. She looks at her feet and shuffles along clinging to my side like she's starting kindergarten not 4th grade.

After seeing their classrooms, talking to every single person in the building (because we actually know them all), and having some cookies, she's finally loosened up. They go play on the playground awhile and then we say our goodbyes and head back home.

I am overwhelmed by a sense of peace here. I feel so excited for them to be going to this school, together for the first time. Each time I walk through those doors I feel more convinced we made the right decision.

I am anxious too see down the road.. our new home, our new daily lives. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us next. For now, though, I will enjoy the little moments that are leading us there.


Sunday, August 7, 2011

SS - The Ox

Well, it's Sunday Stealing time.. who better to steal from than my pastor? :)

".. It is hard for you to kick against the goads." Acts 26:14

An ox being prodded with a sharp stick (goad) would sometimes kick against it. This is did no good of course and only inflicted pain on itself.

How often do we do that? Fight against God.
We know what we are to do. It's all right there in the Bible for us. Yet we avoid reading it, and try to control things ourselves rather than surrendering to God's leading.

Get that visual of yourself as an ox and God gently prodding you with a spiky stick. When you resist God's Will it's like you are kicking your leg against that stick. Flesh is tearing and you are causing yourself pain.. for what?
What stuck out for me today was this simple truth:


He always wins. You can't throw a tantrum like a toddler and get your way. God is not a permissive parent who gives in because of weakness! Your fleeting moment of happiness is not His ultimate goal because He knows better! He knows it all. He knows what's best. Why would we want to fight against the One who loves us so much?

Resisting our creator is useless, and painful.. don't be a dumb ox.


Wednesday, August 3, 2011

my Pride and Joy<3

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The Help

I love this book.

So many people recommended it to me and I'm so glad I listened.

If you like stories that draw you in and keep you turning pages all the way through.. you'll love this book.
If you like historical fiction.. you'll love this book.
If you like books about relationships, friendships, family.. you'll love this book.
If you are passionate about racism.. you'll love this book.
If you grew up in the South.. you'll love this book.

The movie will be out soon and I know what it's gonna be like already in my head. Let's hope it lives up to the expectations of a story as great as this one!

Trust me.. you'll love this book!


Flared up

The "fun" thing about tmj is the flare ups. You're rockin' along happily ignoring minor pains and feeling like life is finally close to back to normal and WHAM!

Maybe it was something you ate.

Maybe you slept really hard and were grinding your teeth last night.

Maybe it's that you've overdone it again.

So many things to consider, but it's stress that is the worst trigger. For a person like me.. who lives in a moderate/high level of stress most times, this can be difficult to prevent.

Any kind of drama filled or anxiety producing situations, time crunches, disputes, large amounts of noise, etc and you can count on some pain.

I am a "teeth clencher" the tmj peeps say. My stress tolerance may be high but in the process apparently I internalize all that stress. Calm, cool & collected on the outside but chaos raging on the inside. Ah, such is life.

The TMJ doc said I needed therapy. No, not that kind. Either physical therapy or chiropractic care. Since the specialized PT was hours away I chose the latter. I am to be going in twice a week until things improve. Joy. Today I've done my horribly painful treatments and been on the couch on a heating pad filled with meds and despair.

School starts in 15 days. I need to be "all better" before then. I'm out of patience with this and soon will not have time to "recover" from treatments. I will have to carry on thru the pain.

For now I am grateful to be relaxing and that I get to have my hubby & kids nearby. And also very thankful for my friends.. who ARE my stress relief. I know it could always be worse.. oh yes I sure know that. So today I am thanking God that it's not worse.. just a little flare up.


Friday, July 29, 2011


Intense, challenging, dark, complex, intriguing, different.. that's the words I would use to describe my latest book club selection.
In a way, I loved it.
In another way, it disturbed me.
The entire thing is written from a 5 year old boy's perspective and this is no ordinary kid.
There is beauty in the way he views the world, his world. I found myself laying awake at night hearing the phrases from the first chapters repeating themselves over and over in my head.
There was one section of it that had me in such complete suspense I had to remind myself to relax my muscles and breathe!
I enjoyed the journey I was on as I read and felt the author was simply brilliant in her delivery.
Overall I recommend this book to anyone who is looking for something beyond the norm to read to challenge the mind and broaden perspectives.
This is a book you will not soon forget.

Monday, July 18, 2011

THE slide

My son.. a 7 year old.. went down the slide..

umm.. let me try that again..

THE slide!

We went to Whitewater Bay yesterday for a day of fun with friends and the very first thing the little new-by wanted to do was go down the biggest, scariest slide at the whole park -the one you couldn't PAY his momma to do!

It looks like this --->
the white one in which your body actually comes up off the slide for awhile and leaves you floating until you meet the slide again

The Whitewater Bay website describes it like this --->Mega-Wedgie
Challenge the 277-foot long speed slide that features a breathtaking 64-foot free fall into the cool water below.

So what do you suppose did he say when he stood up at the bottom of that crazy thing?

"WHOOO!! I'm gonna go ride the green one now!"

Which is described like this --->Acapulco Cliff Dive
Hold on to your heart as you race down this monster, high-speed “free-fall” slide.

Oh, Heaven help me.

The Diva however, is like her Momma.. a little bit of excitement goes a long way :)


Saturday, July 16, 2011

Joy over Happiness

Life is not fleeting moments of happiness and scattered sorrows.. it has to mean so much more than that.
When is the last time you felt happy, like really happy? Can you figure out what it was about that moment that gave you that feeling?
Is happiness our goal? How do we get there? How do we stay there?
I believe that feeling is an emotion that stems from our amount of contentment with our lives.
If this is true then happiness is always within our own hands.
We blame others because we believe our happiness depends on events, outcomes, and the world around us. When things are easy, when things are going well.. then we are "happy."
But the true test of a person is finding that happiness amidst pain.. when everything is going wrong. It's being content when you don't get your way. It's knowing that God is in control all along and no matter what happens God is never surprised.
Happiness may be fleeting.. but the JOY of the Lord is our strength!

Friday, July 15, 2011

The Paris Wife

Based on Ernest Hemingway himself, this book is written as a fictional memoir of sorts of his first wife, his true love, Hadley.
It is an interesting story with sad, desperate tones and lots of ups and downs. I found it rather depressing in that beautiful tragic love story kind of way.
I am looking forward to the movie though I'm not sure that it can do the book justice. The author's descriptions and portrayal of emotions really drew me in to the story and it has such depth. I'm afraid will be lost on the big screen. We shall see. It will be fun to gather up my book club gals to go see it anyway!
Even though I hated Hemingway as I turned the pages, it did create a desire in me to read all of his works. I checked Kindle prices however, and they are rather inflated due to the attention this book has gotten I'm sure. Perhaps I will visit the library instead. What an ancient idea, right.


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A fave quote from my fave show :)

In the beginning God created the Heaven and the earth.. at least that's what they say. He created the birds of the air and the beasts of the field, and he looked at his creation and he saw that it was good. And then God created man.. and it's been downhill ever since.

The story goes on to say that God created man in his own image.. but there's not much proof of that. After all God made the sun, and the moon, and the stars.. and all man makes is trouble.

And when man finds himself in trouble, which is most of time, he turns to something bigger than himself.. to love or fate or religion.. to make sense of it all..

Doctors know more about the human body now than at any other point in our history. But the miracle of life itself, why people live and die.. why they hurt, or get hurt is still a mystery.

We want to know the reason, the secret, the answer at the back of the book.. because the thought of our being all alone down here is just too much for us to bear.

But at the end of the day, the fact that we show up for each other, in spite of our differences, no matter what we believe.. is reason enough.. to keep believing.
-Grey's Anatomy

(I love this show because even though its full of (so very) lost people wandering around making mistakes and hurting each other, I like to think they believe in more than they realize and I love how they always end up leaning on each other. :)


the world called Friendship

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly 
not born until they arrive.
- Anais Nin

This quote doesn't seem like that big of deal but I was contemplating it recently. I am amazed at how much my social circle has grown in the past 5 years. I've heard that you can't have too many friends, but is this true? Some people say that you can't be friends with everyone or you won't be a friend to anyone. Maybe this is true? How do you balance that?

As new people are added to my life, I feel my world grow a little larger. I have found that these new people don't always "mesh" with my personality necessarily. Some aren't the type who I would seek out a relationship with but maybe we are put together by chance.. by circumstances.. by mutual friends. In my experience, these are the people who lead me to grow the most.. who I learn a lot from. More people definitely complicates things, but it also enriches your life in ways that you may not even realize.

I truly believe that God puts people in our lives. It may be "for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.." but how do we know if we don't open ourselves up to it? It's okay to have favorites.. Lord knows I have mine :) but I think you also have to love people just as they are and not compare them to your other friends. What good would it be for all our friends to be exactly the same? We need the variety to keep us balanced! And we can't hold them to higher standards than we hold ourselves. We judge others by their actions but ourselves by our intentions. How fair is that? Everyone is going to let you down at some point.. going thru conflicts & resolutions.. forgiveness.. that's what builds a deeper, more meaningful relationship. If you give up on a person you miss out on so much!

I think this quote from the amazing Audrey Hepburn sums it up best..

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

I think you can hold on to the people that have been there all along and still let new people in. I believe that the more love we give away, the more we have to give. I believe you have to be OPEN to new people, new experiences to really live! I think there is so much that God offers us that we miss out on because it's out of our "comfort zone." I believe that our life on earth is all about people and you should never push anyone away or test their devotion. What are we here for if not to lessen the burden of others! I think if you change your mentality from who is there for me to who can I be there for a whole new world opens up to you.. and that world is called real Friendship.. ever heard of it?


Sunday, July 10, 2011

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

If you want a quick, easy read, this is the book for you. You can actually watch the short movie on youtube now, but I felt the book was better. A German soldier's son is the narrator of this heart-wrenching tale. This was a book club selection that I probably wouldn't have picked up on my own but I'm glad I did. Great book and worth the small amount of time it takes to read it.


30 Days to Understanding the Bible

Ever felt frustrated with trying to read the Bible? Maybe you set your New Year's Resolution and quickly found that from starting in...