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Showing posts from 2011


I have ppl in my life who build up rather than belittle, care rather than criticize and only interrupt when they feel I'm not giving myself enough credit. They laugh with me or even at me but never at my expense. I leave our conversations feeling better not worse and they seem to really believe I could conquer the world. They prefer to celebrate my successes and overlook my shortcomings and lead me to feel optimistic instead of anxious. They speak the truth from their hearts so it never wounds. I guess when you're surrounded by ppl like that the pettiness of others doesn't matter so much.

Stationery card

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Well, we survived another dance competition weekend. My lil Diva did great! She is on the competition team this year instead of doing a solo and she's loving it. We took the girls to Dance Masters of America in Pampa, TX this weekend. After a crazy, stressful, busy, fantic time leading up to it, the actual performance time was about 2 minutes. I was holding my breath every second of it, lol. Afterward was watching more performances, receiving medals and then classes the next day. Then home again. It was a whirlwind weekend to say the least. I am very proud of my sweet girl. She worked her hardest, did her best, handled everything very maturely and remained gracious, polite, and respectful through it all. I am a proud dance mom for sure!

Sab's Bricktown Birthday

Celebrated the birthday of my best friend of 11 years last night. It seems surreal that we could be who & where we are now. Looking back makes me feel old but accomplished. I think of us impulsive, naive college girls and how much has filled our lives over the years. Sometimes it's nice to just pretend we're still those two young crazy girls. Sometimes it's nice to just hang with someone who makes you laugh so hard your stomach hurts the next day. I need my girlfriends like I need air to breathe. Time with them is necessary for my sanity. I'm so lucky to have a husband who understands that. Though I feel like I fail them more than I wish, I'm so very thankful to have so many significant people in my life.

The right to choose our own friends

What to do when you find yourself backed into a corner..

When a friend confirms to us that the world is as we see it, we feel safer, reassured. We are in harmony. Our level of insecurity determines how much danger we sense when a falling out occurs. It determines our reaction, or over-reaction to the fall-out.

An injured friend is the bitterest of foes.
Thomas Jefferson
One would do well to remember this.

"Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends."
- Jacques Delille (1738 - 1813) French poet.
I believe this yes, but it's not that easy.

"The friendship that can cease has never been real."
- Saint Jerome
I can see truth in this.. or is it that sometimes friendships are just for a season..

"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me."
- Henry Ford

And what is the one who brings out the worst?

"I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the…

Isn't it awesome when you don't have to wait long

My questions & hurt.. this is how God answered me this morning.. new favorite song..

Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you


Ammo < Grace

The problem with letting someone in is that you're giving them ammo to use against you if they are ever displeased with you & so choose to do so. A person who knows you well has all the tools they need to completely devastate & destroy you in an instant by just the right combination of words. How powerful is that? How can we ever trust another flawed human being with our hearts?

What kind of insanity comes over us in that moment when we bare our souls to someone? Why would we ever want to expose ourselves in that way? Why let your guard down.. why allow yourself to ever be vulnerable?

It's because that's the only way to love & be loved in return.

Oh God, why did you make it that way? Why can't we have love without pain? Why can't our relationships with others just be pleasant and not hurt so much?

Emotions are fleeting but we may find ourselves feeling this way: STOP LETTING THEM IN! No more AMMO!  Pray about it and that's it. It's done. I don…

Anger is the result of frustrated expectations

No one in this world owes you a thing.. so when ya get to thinking somebody has let you down it's probably time to start checkin your expectations.

I've been switching from guilt to self loathing to hopelessness to depression to resentment & on it goes. As if I wasn't hard enough on myself. I just can't seem to keep from disappointing people these days.
I don't know how I can do it all.. it feels impossible when there's so much to do and so many people to keep happy and..  just like that it hits me..
You can't.
It's my old approval addiction rearing it's ugly head. I don't have to feel guilty for not living up to someone's expectations.

"Just do your best 'cause that's the best you can do."

I've gotta let it go. My apologies if I haven't been doing enough for you lately. I'm truly sorry I haven't been involved enough in your life. If you feel neglected or undervalued just know that wasn't my intention. …

just another bump in the road

Here we go again. Substitute called in. 2 hr drive. Stressful heavy traffic. Anxiety producing exams. Back home by dark.
Today was supposed to be the start of the weaning off the splint process. Just the daytime splint of course. The nighttime one is a permanent fixture in my world. However, due to my lack of sleep, the stupid stubborn rib, and the awful tension headaches of the past month Doc has decided to delay it. He says if we can get all that stuff ironed out then I can start the process on Nov. 1st. Fingers crossed.
It is a very detailed, structured plan with five stages. The first is going without the appliance for one hour after each meal. If no symptoms return and no pain worsens that week then I move on to stage 2 and so on.
Best case scenario would be if months from now I am able to have my teeth touching again by some miracle with no reoccurrence of symptoms or back-sliding. This is only a fantasy for me I'm afraid. Five years ago when I'd made it this far, my bit…

time for a change

The theme in my life right now seems to be that I suck at life. No really. I am so self absorbed and have too much going on all the time. I've neglected relationships with the most important people while trying to keep up with too many other people. When my kids are talking to me these days I catch myself drifting in & out of the conversation overwhelmed by all my brain & heart is dealing with right now.
WARNING! Complaint time::::I am so emotionally drained and completely exhausted. I have a headache I can't seem to shake that in moments of silence, like right now, I want to shove my fist thru my forehead to make it stop. I can't seem to get any rest. I've had intense dreams that don't make any sense but keep me up at night. That stupid rib keeps going out and I'm about to lose my mind over it. My stress level is way up as stuff keeps coming at me and my tmj pain is about a 6 right now as I catch myself clenching my teeth once again. Something's got…

Double wedding weekend

First of all let me say that the Firefighter was on shift all 48 hours of Friday/Saturday. It always seems to fall that way doesn't it.
We had a wedding to attend in the city Friday night. This being a family friend affair my childcare options were nil for that day. This was a problem because the kids didn't have school that day but I did. I finally found a friend who let them stay over there. Which, btw, her child ended up having strep-throat so we will see if we escaped that one or not.. but I was sure grateful she kept them for me!
After the unspeakable insanity of the day, I picked up the kids and road-raged catching every single red light on the way home leaving myself about 30 mins to be changed & ready for the wedding, not to mention have both kids ready as well. It was 2 hours away so I was applying make-up in the car as the Firefighter drove us. The ceremony was lovely and we even got to try an appetizer at the reception before we had to dash. We got home before m…

Hunger Games Trilogy

If you haven't heard about this series yet you need to get you some new friends! Ha! Seriously though if you're looking for something intriguing and captivating you have found it. If you're not a big reader maybe you should start reading the first page of the first book and just see what happens. I DARE you not to get hooked right from the start!
I was consumed by the characters, the Capitol-controlled world, the Hunger Games, and the sadness. I marveled over the idea of living with real hunger every day. By the time I'd finished the third book all I could do was sit there and feel empty. I was so sad this journey I'd been on was over. A part of me had been longing for a fairy tale ending in which true love won out and my hero, Katniss, the warrior princess would emerge victorious over all, including her own demons. I had been pulling for Peeta since the very beginning and just knew he would come out on top though I loved Gale dearly all the way through as well. I …

recap of the week

It's been such a busy week. I had a professional day on Monday where I received child abuse training.. definitely not fun ;( tho sadly necessary.. and then we went bowling which included some fun team building activities. With my rib being out the past few weeks I was weary of the bowling, so I went straight to the chiro after. This being the 3rd adjustment on it I was really sore. Thankfully she was able to get the rib further in and I am breathing easier now. The pain has gone from stabbing to just plain annoying. I went again a few days later and had a rib out on the other side too. Great. The positive side is that my neck is finally loosened up and I have much more mobility. The expensive pillow seems to have done the trick. So nice to not have pain when I move my head around now.

Friday some of my teacher-friends & I went to OKC to hear the amazing Larry Bell on high expectations raising student achievement. He is the best public speaker I think I've ever seen and it…


It's a time of testing. I wish I'd have known that 2 weeks ago when it first began. I feel like maybe if I'd have been more prepared?.. but no, we never know when we will be under attack. We are supposed to be guarded and armed with the Word of God at all times for a reason.
I find myself wondering how I've done in the big scheme of things. I feel as if just surviving was quite the accomplishment but I don't know how much actual truth is in that. The truth is probably more like I could've handled a few things better. I could've been more Christ-like I'm certain. I think my problem lies in the fact that I rely too much on myself instead of falling at the foot of the cross and accepting that I can do NOTHING without Him. Clearly God is showing me that I am stubborn and it takes a lot to bring me to my knees in complete surrender.
Why do I think 'getting by' is enough? In the middle of a complete break down I became aware that I was under attack on…

My Remedy

I know where to go
To heal my heart to sooth my soul
When everything's spinning out of control, I know,
I know just living life can get so crazy day and night
But I've got somebody by my side, by my side
Everytime I cry and I wanna hide
Feeling like I'm damaged on the inside
You know just what to do

You've got what I need
You're the remedy
That's why I'm keeping You close, You close
You know what's best for me
My only therapy
Jesus, your love is my hope, my hope
You're my remedy, You're my remedy
You're my remedy, You're my remedy

On point, off-track
One step forward, two steps back
Some days are gonna be just like that
Just like that
You're my medicine

pinterest project

Handprint wreath.. this is what it looked like on pinterest

And this is what mine turned out like. 
I let each student choose the color of paper they wanted and did their handprint in white tempura paint. I cut them out and glued them onto a posterboard I cut to a wreath shape. I plan to take it down at the end of the year and put the hands in the memory books. Easy, fun and I think it turned out pretty cute. Pinterest rocks! :)
Sent from Samsung mobile

Picking up

I got to pick my babies up from school today. I love that I get to do that this year. Their school gets our an hour later than mine so it works out perfectly. I love being the one that has them hopping up & down and waving excitedly when I pull up. I love getting to be the first one to hear the stories and details of why today was the 'best day ever'. For my son it's all about the food. He says the burritos are phenomenal. He says they taste like from our favorite restaurant and he went back for thirds. He really likes his teacher, but last year's teacher gave them icing so she's still winning for now. LoL. For my daughter, it's all about how she feels. She says her teacher is super cool and a girl told her she was pretty today & braided her hair. They are both very happy at their new school and I couldn't be happier. Knowing you made the right choice is one of the best feelings in the world.

Truth for Tuesday :)

No one has yet fully realized the wealth of sympathy, kindness, and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure- Emma Golmam

Ready or not..

School has officially begun for me. I have 2 whole insane first days under my belt now and 172 to go. Despite various other challenges facing me this year, I have FOUR students with the same name- yes I said FOUR! All but one have the same spelling and two of them have the same last initial. Not sure what I will do with that yet.
Not allowing myself a second to mourn the loss of peaceful, laid back summer, on Monday I plan to hit the ground running. I'm starting phonics lessons & all kinds of assessments. My room is organized and tidy and I have the first few weeks planned out already. I also brought all my student workbooks home and tore out all the pages & sorted them by chapters/lessons for the entire year.

It's my 5th year of teaching first grade and I feel like with all I've already been thru, I'm capable of handling anything.

Yep. I'm ready alright.
Bring. It. On.


Sunday Stealing:

1. God is ALWAYS at work
2. We can ALWAYS have more of God
3. We can ALWAYS glorify God with our lives
4. A new Heaven and a new earth is coming for those who believe

Believers should be the encouragers of others. We have Hope because we belong to Him. We should be the ones who remain calm, thanking God ALWAYS and meditating on the promises of God.

Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:19
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Sometimes Jesus calms the storm. Sometimes he calms the man within the storm.

more 30ths comin'

Celebrating 30th birthdays these days and I gotta say I still don't feel like we could actually be THIRTY. If it's true that you're only as old as you feel, I think, perhaps, we'll be young forever. :)

Having girlfriends keeps me young. They keep me laughing through life and distract me from myself. We celebrate our lives together and I love that.

Dinner tonight - Thai Ground Beef -yum!

Little Moments

Today was a fun day at home with a little errand running. The days that the Firefighter comes off shift and we get to be all home together are always my favorite. Funny how appreciative you are of your time when you've been missing one another.  It was the Diva's first day back at dance. After planning her "perfect outfit" she jumped right in to the new hip-hop class which she absolutely loved.
Then we went to the kids' Back to School night. My Superhero walks right in the door and walks with his head up taking it all in. He acts like he owns the place, lol. My sweet girl, however, is so nervous. She's had different experiences than he has, not that she wasn't already timid enough to begin with. She looks at her feet and shuffles along clinging to my side like she's starting kindergarten not 4th grade.

After seeing their classrooms, talking to every single person in the building (because we actually know them all), and having some cookies, she's fi…

SS - The Ox

Well, it's Sunday Stealing time.. who better to steal from than my pastor? :)

".. It is hard for you to kick against the goads." Acts 26:14

An ox being prodded with a sharp stick (goad) would sometimes kick against it. This is did no good of course and only inflicted pain on itself.

How often do we do that? Fight against God.
We know what we are to do. It's all right there in the Bible for us. Yet we avoid reading it, and try to control things ourselves rather than surrendering to God's leading.

Get that visual of yourself as an ox and God gently prodding you with a spiky stick. When you resist God's Will it's like you are kicking your leg against that stick. Flesh is tearing and you are causing yourself pain.. for what?
What stuck out for me today was this simple truth:


He always wins. You can't throw a tantrum like a toddler and get your way. God is not a permissive parent who gives in because of weakness! Your fleeting moment of happiness …

my Pride and Joy<3

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The Help

I love this book.

So many people recommended it to me and I'm so glad I listened.

If you like stories that draw you in and keep you turning pages all the way through.. you'll love this book.
If you like historical fiction.. you'll love this book.
If you like books about relationships, friendships, family.. you'll love this book.
If you are passionate about racism.. you'll love this book.
If you grew up in the South.. you'll love this book.

The movie will be out soon and I know what it's gonna be like already in my head. Let's hope it lives up to the expectations of a story as great as this one!

Trust me.. you'll love this book!

Flared up

The "fun" thing about tmj is the flare ups. You're rockin' along happily ignoring minor pains and feeling like life is finally close to back to normal and WHAM!

Maybe it was something you ate.

Maybe you slept really hard and were grinding your teeth last night.

Maybe it's that you've overdone it again.

So many things to consider, but it's stress that is the worst trigger. For a person like me.. who lives in a moderate/high level of stress most times, this can be difficult to prevent.

Any kind of drama filled or anxiety producing situations, time crunches, disputes, large amounts of noise, etc and you can count on some pain.

I am a "teeth clencher" the tmj peeps say. My stress tolerance may be high but in the process apparently I internalize all that stress. Calm, cool & collected on the outside but chaos raging on the inside. Ah, such is life.

The TMJ doc said I needed therapy. No, not that kind. Either physical therapy or chiropractic care.…


Intense, challenging, dark, complex, intriguing, different.. that's the words I would use to describe my latest book club selection.
In a way, I loved it.
In another way, it disturbed me.
The entire thing is written from a 5 year old boy's perspective and this is no ordinary kid.
There is beauty in the way he views the world, his world. I found myself laying awake at night hearing the phrases from the first chapters repeating themselves over and over in my head.
There was one section of it that had me in such complete suspense I had to remind myself to relax my muscles and breathe!
I enjoyed the journey I was on as I read and felt the author was simply brilliant in her delivery.
Overall I recommend this book to anyone who is looking for something beyond the norm to read to challenge the mind and broaden perspectives.
This is a book you will not soon forget.

THE slide

My son.. a 7 year old.. went down the slide..

umm.. let me try that again..


We went to Whitewater Bay yesterday for a day of fun with friends and the very first thing the little new-by wanted to do was go down the biggest, scariest slide at the whole park -the one you couldn't PAY his momma to do!

It looks like this --->

The Whitewater Bay website describes it like this --->Mega-Wedgie Challenge the 277-foot long speed slide that features a breathtaking 64-foot free fall into the cool water below.

So what do you suppose did he say when he stood up at the bottom of that crazy thing?

"WHOOO!! I'm gonna go ride the green one now!"

Which is described like this --->Acapulco Cliff Dive
Hold on to your heart as you race down this monster, high-speed “free-fall” slide.

Oh, Heaven help me.

The Diva however, is like her Momma.. a little bit of excitement goes a long way :)

Joy over Happiness

Life is not fleeting moments of happiness and scattered sorrows.. it has to mean so much more than that.
When is the last time you felt happy, like really happy? Can you figure out what it was about that moment that gave you that feeling?
Is happiness our goal? How do we get there? How do we stay there?
I believe that feeling is an emotion that stems from our amount of contentment with our lives.
If this is true then happiness is always within our own hands.
We blame others because we believe our happiness depends on events, outcomes, and the world around us. When things are easy, when things are going well.. then we are "happy."
But the true test of a person is finding that happiness amidst pain.. when everything is going wrong. It's being content when you don't get your way. It's knowing that God is in control all along and no matter what happens God is never surprised.
Happiness may be fleeting.. but the JOY of the Lord is our strength!

The Paris Wife

Based on Ernest Hemingway himself, this book is written as a fictional memoir of sorts of his first wife, his true love, Hadley.
It is an interesting story with sad, desperate tones and lots of ups and downs. I found it rather depressing in that beautiful tragic love story kind of way.
I am looking forward to the movie though I'm not sure that it can do the book justice. The author's descriptions and portrayal of emotions really drew me in to the story and it has such depth. I'm afraid will be lost on the big screen. We shall see. It will be fun to gather up my book club gals to go see it anyway!
Even though I hated Hemingway as I turned the pages, it did create a desire in me to read all of his works. I checked Kindle prices however, and they are rather inflated due to the attention this book has gotten I'm sure. Perhaps I will visit the library instead. What an ancient idea, right.

A fave quote from my fave show :)

In the beginning God created the Heaven and the earth.. at least that's what they say. He created the birds of the air and the beasts of the field, and he looked at his creation and he saw that it was good. And then God created man.. and it's been downhill ever since.

The story goes on to say that God created man in his own image.. but there's not much proof of that. After all God made the sun, and the moon, and the stars.. and all man makes is trouble.

And when man finds himself in trouble, which is most of time, he turns to something bigger than himself.. to love or fate or religion.. to make sense of it all..

Doctors know more about the human body now than at any other point in our history. But the miracle of life itself, why people live and die.. why they hurt, or get hurt is still a mystery.

We want to know the reason, the secret, the answer at the back of the book.. because the thought of our being all alone down here is just too much for us to bear.

But at the end o…

the world called Friendship

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly
not born until they arrive.
- Anais Nin

This quote doesn't seem like that big of deal but I was contemplating it recently. I am amazed at how much my social circle has grown in the past 5 years. I've heard that you can't have too many friends, but is this true? Some people say that you can't be friends with everyone or you won't be a friend to anyone. Maybe this is true? How do you balance that?

As new people are added to my life, I feel my world grow a little larger. I have found that these new people don't always "mesh" with my personality necessarily. Some aren't the type who I would seek out a relationship with but maybe we are put together by chance.. by circumstances.. by mutual friends. In my experience, these are the people who lead me to grow the most.. who I learn a lot from. More people definitely complicates things, but it also enriches your life in ways that you may not even realize.


The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

If you want a quick, easy read, this is the book for you. You can actually watch the short movie on youtube now, but I felt the book was better. A German soldier's son is the narrator of this heart-wrenching tale. This was a book club selection that I probably wouldn't have picked up on my own but I'm glad I did. Great book and worth the small amount of time it takes to read it.