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Showing posts from September, 2009

The Wall

Pain. It causes quite different reactions doesn't it? Some fight through it and actually enjoy it a little. Others run at the first sign of hardship. How do you react to a painful experience? What do you do when someone has hurt you?
My natural tendency, as wrong as it may be, is to go into self-protect mode. I subconsciously push the pain causer away, become distant & cold, and sort of curl up into the fetal position for a time. I even may nurse my wounds. It's not meant to be holding a grudge or pouting, lol, it is simply a fear of being vulnerable enough to be hurt that way again. I put up a wall so it seems. What's different about me is that it doesn't last for long. After some time of healing from the hurt I jump right back into trusting that person again. Now, I guess the more hurt that comes from one relationship the more time it takes, maybe? I don't know for sure how this system works but I've been asking God to tear my walls down and take my fears …

Who's really in control?

It's an age-old debate. Are we in control of our own lives or not? Some say fate controls the universe & we are simply in it's grasp. Others say God controls everything, including us.
I believe that we are actually in control of so much more than we like to give ourselves credit for. Absolutely God is supremely in control, of everything. However, He's chosen to give us our own free will and we have the freedom to make our own choices and deal with things however we want.
We are not in control of others. It is foolish to believe your manipulations & mind games really work on people. They are in control of themselves. Even if you get the results you are after sometimes, you aren't really ever in control of someone else. So stop trying to be, they'll only resent you for it.
We are in control of our own attitudes most of all. Something that happens to two people the same way will produce completely different reactions. YOU choose how people treat you because it…


I spoke with my students today about 9-11. They had no idea. They were amazed by what I had to say. I told them my story- how I felt that day, how scary it was, how the events unfolded. I told them only an overview fit for the first grade impressionable minds in front of me, but there's so much more to the story..

I was a college student, driving in my little car to Alva. I heard on the radio that something was going on but I didn't pay much attention because I had a lot on my mind. I had exams coming up, projects due, papers to write.. then Michael called. He said that a plane had crashed into some tower or something. He was incredulous but I didn't get it. I turned up the radio when I got off the phone with him and the guy said he was reporting from the pentagon. There was a loud noise & then they didn't know what was going on. By the time I made it to campus I was realizing that things were weird. People were looking around and talking excitedly as they walked up…

it's late

It's 1:19 a.m. Even as I'm typing that I can't believe it. I get up at 5:30. Why am I awake? I'm exhausted of course. Tomorrow is Friday and it's been quite a stressful week even tho it was short one day. We've had open house, school pictures, cookie dough orders due, dibels testing, and my little boy got his first belt promotion in karate Wed night, it was so awesome.

I'm tired. I should be asleep. My honey is on shift tonight. The kids have been in bed since 9. I've milled around the house folding laundry, picking up, wiping off.. I've even gotten ready for bed. I just never went there. Some nights the brain just won't shut down it seems. I saw the Firefighter at dinnertime for a bit. I had friends over so we didn't get to talk much. I miss him. Isn't it crazy how much you can miss someone you just saw? That's the odd thing about being a firefighter's wife.. the sleeping alone thing.. the going to bed alone thing.. it's when…

My Little Man