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Hope & a Future

Today I want to share something deeply personal. Some of my faithful readers may now be saying that's nothing new, don't you always talk about things that are deep and personal? Lol. Point taken. But today I'm going to open up the pages of one of my many journals and share my intimate thoughts & prayers. I wish I had written the date on it, but I know for sure it was written in our old house so at the least more than 3-4 years ago. Specifically it is a "Your Best Life Now Journal." (This will not be a debate over the worth or value of Joel Osteen's message or intentions. Frankly I don't care what you may think of him, God spoke to me through watching him on television years ago before I had a church family and that is all the matters at the moment.) What I'd written was a detailed explanation of my heart's desires and my dreams. It was an assignment asking readers to "enlarge their vision" not unlike the Prayer of Jabez really. So the following is my heart poured out on paper several years ago:
My dreams for my life are to have a wonderfully loving Christian family. I want us to live in a nice home with room enough for friends & family. I want to have a career I can be proud of. I want to do something helpful and significant and be paid enough so that we don't have to rely on [my DH's] income alone. I dream of being close to my children & involved in their lives. I also have a dream of living close to [my lil sis] and seeing our kids grow up together. I dream of [my DH] & I growing closer and more in love as the years go by. I envision us sitting together watching our grandkids play in the yard. Finally I dream of finding true friends. I want someone I can be close with, someone I connect with and can really talk to. I want someone I can go do things with, have fun with-someone I can laugh with.
(Now, to put this in context, this was all written BEFORE I became a teacher, before I'd ever even thought about becoming a teacher.. BEFORE my sister moved here.. and well BEFORE I even had met my amazing ladiez.)
I followed the entry with a prayer that said:
Guide me, Lord, so that I always follow your will for me. Take away the negativity and self-doubt. Refresh me with your Spirit and give me a new vision of myself and my life. Help me to shed all the things that hold me back. I want to be and accomplish all that you have planned for me. I step out in faith to believe that I will receive favor in my life - by You, even though I don't deserve it. Thank you for blessing me, Amen.
Then a scripture on the page was circled, it was "I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11

I wrote this passage at a lonely time. I was living in a new town where I knew no one but my new family. We were so young & our babies were born so fast. I had just finished getting my degree and had no idea what I was going to do. The Firefighter was not a firefighter yet and was working long hard hours in the oil field. I had no friends, or at least I felt like I didn't. I spent A LOT of time at home with my babies. I longed for relationships. I prayed for companionship. And God gave. Oh, how He gave. God answered my prayers and then some. I asked for one real friendship, He gave me twenty. I asked for a meaningful career and He gave me teaching. I asked for love.. and He overflowed my heart in a way that I cannot even begin to explain.
I'm sharing this today because reading it and thinking of how God answered my prayers, the deepest desires of my heart matching His for me and how He's outdone anything I could conjure up for myself.. made me weep. Openhearted joy came over me as I realized how much He has changed me since then and how much my life has changed because of it. I can smile when faced with hardships because I know He's taking care of me and it is all a part of God's workmanship and him building & molding me to be exactly who He wants me to be. I can share in Christ's sufferings because I get to share in His blessings. I am God's child and He loves me.. and my life, my journey is my proof of that. How can I not share that message of hope with others?

Comments

  1. I sometimes struggle with wondering what God is going to do with me. Reading this helps me to know that he has a plan for me even if it might take a while before I see the full extent of that plan. You have no idea how much reading your blog helps me.

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  2. It is always such a blessing to see such clear evidence of the Lord's work in our lives! Journaling is a great way to reflect and see how God has answered our prayers and blessed us. Thank you for your blog...love it! Melissa

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  3. I actually printed this out over a month ago and have re-read it several times. I always meant to write and tell you how it ministered to me. You truly have a way of writing and your little heart is so full of God. I thank God that He has made you into who you are ... what a blessing you are to me - and obviously to so many others. Love you honey!

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