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Showing posts from September, 2010

Rewarded

Sometimes you just have to take your personal victory and run with it. Perception is everything. If you conquered something major and it was big even tho no one seems to have noticed, you can't let that steal the victory from you. It is yours. God gave you the power to accomplish that! You can't let people belittle what you know to be right. God saw everything. He gave you the strength, the patience, the grace to get thru it. He saw your faithfulness. It is in Him that your sense of accomplishment should lie. If you did it all to His Glory then why does recognition even matter anyway? It doesn't!
What happens after your role has been played shouldn't affect you. You did your part, now let it go. So what if you had it hard and others don't even acknowledge it. You have labored without being praised for it. Doesn't it say in the Bible that if you are seen & praised then you have received your reward in full? I'd definitely rather have what God gives than …

Just a Dream

I had a dream the other night that I was dying. I don't remember many details, just that I was growing weaker each day and that I had limited time left. It was a deep and emotional dream. I had little get-togethers with different groups of people to say my goodbyes. I had so much I needed to say and do before I'd be ready. I gathered all my girls around me, telling them that I would depend on them to take care of my grieving family. I explained how I wanted the funeral to be and they each volunteered different things to take care of the arrangements. It was very formal, very business. I was not afraid, but I was hurting over the thought of motherless children. My sub-conscious must've been unable to grasp that kind of sadness because it didn't dwell on that long. It was eye-opening really. I had so many people I desired final words with.. some I hadn't spoken to in a really long time. My heart goes back to "If I had only known." I think in my dream I was …

Remembering.. and the Regret

Today was my best buddy's birthday. He's laid back, not much for show, just likes to hang out & have a good time. Still I should have done more for him. See I'm just a silly teenager & I don't know yet that the majority of people in this world are too busy and self absorbed and don't really have time for you or what's going on in your life. I have yet to learn how quick people can disappear. I don't see how rare this down-to-earth, selflessly caring, genuine person really is. I don't see that him always being there for me is a thing I shouldn't take for granted. I don't realize how short our time is.. not yet.
And so I laugh with him and talk with him and lean on him when I'm hurting. I let everything be all about me. I let him just drive me around when I'm bawling like a baby over my heart being broken. He comes over and we play hours of Mario Kart until it's late at night and his parent are calling just to make sure he'…

Don't lose Heart

Isn't it Friday yet? I really thought it was. Here it is a short week and I still feel like it's the longest week ever. I know I should not be 'living for the weekends' but I find myself looking forward to the next "thing" coming up with family, friends, celebrations, holidays, anything besides the day to day. I guess when things are just hard, you do what you can to get thru, right? I don't like that. I know that if I had a loved one with a life threatening disease or something I'd feel differently about my precious time. I rush it right now, certainly not being a good steward of the gift of time. Then I mope or drag thru family things at home and wish I'd had more energy to do the things with my kids that I want to do. I feel like I sacrifice so much for this job, and my family does too.. and for what? FOR WHAT?? A measly paycheck? Of course not, but really I can't help but think -where does it get me?
I get to thinking about the bigger pict…

Rainy days bring headaches

Inside recess with 24 kids in a small confined area and a sad little group of worn out puzzles, play-doh, games & lincoln logs.
Rain, thunder & lightening outside of a huge window in the classroom offering a great, tho un-needed, distraction to students who can barely focus for a few minutes anyway.
Waiting in short-sleeves & capris in the cold with about 100 kids under a metal roof with crazy thunder causing high-pitched screaming and the occasional pre-Ker sent to our side to cry hysterically until the lightening & hail sent us back in the building.
Last but not least, loading kids in cars for about 30 minutes getting completely drenched in the process. My Toms got a great bath.

Ping-pong size hail

Oh the drama..
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Because I'm excited to see these gorgeous faces tonight!

Minor Triumph.. Major Reward

Today was a miracle.  Today was a triumph.  Today I felt like "more than a conqueror!"
Romans 8:37  No, in all these things we are more than [1 Cor 15:57; John 16:33 ] conquerors through [Gal 2:20; Eph 5:2; Rev 1:5; 3:9] him who loved us!
I wasn't expecting it. I was dreading the challenge. I prayed about it so much and finally decided to believe for God's perfect wisdom and that He would give me the tools to do the job He's called me to do. When faced with fear, uncertainty, doubt, dread, and especially when under attack it's so important to surrender to God's leading. Where I am weak, He makes me strong. I know I can do ALL THINGS thru Christ Jesus, my Savior and Lord! 
It's funny how I am always at my lowest when He comes thru. When I am feeling overwhelmed and defeated, that's when I let go and let God take control the best. What's the saying.. something about realizing as you're on your knees that you're in the best position to PRAY! We…

Happy Birthday Noah Bear!

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sirens

I hear sirens.. fire trucks being sent out to another grass fire.. it's been crazy the past two days.. my hubby has been out on one for a long time and must be so tired and hungry. The scanner has gotten quiet finally.. I know I should go to bed, I have to get up in a few hours for school.. but how can I sleep with all those sirens going off? Suddenly I realize that the sirens I'm hearing aren't there at all, they're only in my head. I wish knowing that would make them stop. I close my eyes and and try to push them away searching for the silence I should hear in the quiet of the night. I pray the Lord's protection over the firefighters & peace for their families.. a restful sleep to all. Amen & Goodnight.


My 7 year old

My baby boy is 7 today. 7.. 7... 7.. 7 years old!?!?!?! Those words are hard to form in my mouth. This morning I've attempted to put on makeup with tears streaming down my face. Funny how the little things hit you sometimes. I know he just started 1st grade & all, but it's the saying he's 7.. part that seems to have gotten me. He was just a baby, my sweet baby boy.. and then he wasn't. Suddenly he's this tall, long legged, big footed, hungry whirlwind of energy that doesn't want to stop long enough to give Mom a proper hug. Oh, Lord, prepare me for the letting go part of parenthood.. it's going to be even harder than I thought.