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Showing posts from June, 2017

How to really, really, really love Jesus..and not drive people absolutely crazy.. (I’m still learning)

When I was in sixth grade I had bossed my way into being the leader of a particular group of kids that I had established as my “club.” I was very active in my church and Teens-4-Christ organization that met in the mornings and was proudly leading (okay, pushing) all my friends to do the same. I had a small navy Bible I was carrying around in my backpack and a silver cross around my neck. I do not believe this is what caused the drama that ensued however it is what my friend accused me with. 
It came out of nowhere to me at the time but looking back in my wisdom of today (eyes rolling here folks) I can imagine that it had been building while I was oblivious to this fact. The moment I realized there was a problem was when my ‘very bestest friend in the whole wide world’ informed me that I was being too damned God-y and everybody was sick of it. My 12-year-old self was shocked by this. She proceeded to tell me to knock it off and I believe I argued (of course I did) and then we had our fa…

Doubt

I find myself battling doubts more than I ever have now. It feels strange to be questioning things in my mind that I've known my whole life as truth while my heart is more overtaken than ever before. I guess it is easier to claim belief while running about living your own life than it is to rest in that belief when you've actually handed your life over and given up the reins. Just like you can say you trust the rope but you can't really prove it until you've bailed off the cliff.
Now I have a rushing feeling that bounces between exhilaration & fear and I am clinging to my driver, holding onto that rope with all my might. I remind myself this too is by His design. Now I see verses such as 2 Timothy 1:7 differently.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."  I no longer think of my social anxiety when I read this. Fear isn't defined in terms of "will people like me" anymore. I now think of the d…