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Showing posts from November, 2009

just when Satan swoops in

I hate this feeling.. this feeling of restlessness.. I feel overwhelmed with what all I "should" be doing at this very moment.. instead of enjoying every minute of the holiday & the fact that the Firefighter got to take the day off to stay home with us, I'm battling feeling lazy and then guilt from being lazy. We've been discussing what we want to do - sell our house & find a bigger one, build one out on the family land, just buy a lot & build, or start some major rennovations to the house we have, ugh, like we have time for any of that mess!.. when we get to talking about big decisions like that I just want to run & hide. I hate conflict, I hate indecision, I hate wasting my energy on things that might never happen. I'd much rather just feel peace and stay where we're at. I know that there is no growth w/out change so why do I fight it so much? I just want to avoid stressful times is all.. There's just so much to do and I don't know w…

My words have power.. but this is beyond my control

I've been silent on here since this mess started. I've learned that when you are going thru hard times, this is the time to keep quiet. I heard once that when Jesus was facing trials, He talked less.. and in the worst moments of His life He was silent. He cried out only to God. Since He is our example, I am trying to do the same. I have confided in few trusted souls of my heartache & frustration, but for the most part I'm keeping quiet. After all there is one victim in this story and it's certainly not me! I am merely playing my role in someone else's saga. I must be careful not to make this about me or focus on how hard this has made my life lately. I have to keep perspective. That said, I am aching to write about what I am feeling.. but I must keep it to myself. I am praying for God to give me understanding, wisdom, patience, guidance, discernment.. strength.. and maybe, peace. I know it's all in His hands even if it sometimes feels like it's in mine.…

I have no words of my own today..

"He gives strength to the weary, And to him who lacks might He increases power. Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40:29,31

Days like today..

The only thing that can be said about days like today is God is still in control. I can't really say that tomorrow will be better because although today was truely hard, tomorrow could always be worse. And things can always be worse. That's disheartening I know, but there are no guarantees of a happy little life just because we are believers. God promised us an eternity in Heaven with Him, but this is a fallen world and we are stuck in it for the time being. SO.. for the time being.. I'm not going to pray that God will take away the difficult things I'm dealing with because I believe they're there for a reason. I'm not going to ask that God give me an easier day tomorrow. Instead I'm praying that God will prepare me to face any challenges that come my way, just as I do every day. By His Grace, He kept me together today. I know He'll never give me more than I can handle and I just have to hold on to that truth.. even when I feel that's being pushed t…

Negative Nellys

I was faced with a clear case of Fakeness after posting my last blog. It hit me like a ton of bricks too. I guess fakeness is the word for it. It's more of being critical and judgemental of others, but it's the being sweet to their face part that makes it fake I guess.
I've found that I can't be around negativity for very long or I get sucked into it. I don't mean being there for someone. I mean getting dragged down into misery that loves company. People can get so lost in their problems, the things that are stressing them out, that they don't see the dark cloud of negativity around them. Trust me, I know. I've been there. You see it a lot in teaching really. Someone can lose perspective with all that goes wrong on a regular basis. There's so much we deal with that is beyond our control. It's just rolling with the punches sometimes.
Have you ever known someone who just didn't have a single nice thing to say about anyone? How annoying. Don't yo…

as promised.. my chicken salad

I'm not a big cook. I don't pretend to be. But I do know how to make a mean chicken salad sandwich, lol. I got the basic recipe from my mother-in-law who said it is a "to taste" kind of thing with the ingredients. Once I made it and saw how easy it was to just throw things in I was hooked! It's best eaten on a buttery croissant from Wal-Mart & shared with friends. :) Chicken Salad chicken breast - cooked, cooled, cubed apples - chopped celery - sliced chopped pecans big scoops of Miracle Whip & a dash of salt

You Can!

Can you be genuinely happy for another person? Well of course you can. Can you do that and be excited for them & their success without being criticized by others? Maybe. The word "fake" gets tossed around a lot. I used to be one of those people who cringed at so-called "fakeness" or "cheesiness." Now I am just glad that person was "nice." Lol. I've decided that I cannot judge a person's intentions. If they were just being overly nice to butter me up, so be it. I'm not as skeptical as I once was. Maybe that comes from being a teacher. My job requires me to be cheery and smiley on a daily basis whether I feel like it or not. Am I being fake? Or am I just putting on a happy face, letting go of the negative things and focusing on the positive? I'd like to think the latter. No matter what kind of mood I am in, my students deserve me smiling and welcoming them at the door. They deserve a kind word and a hug. They deserve encouragem…

Hope & a Future

Today I want to share something deeply personal. Some of my faithful readers may now be saying that's nothing new, don't you always talk about things that are deep and personal? Lol. Point taken. But today I'm going to open up the pages of one of my many journals and share my intimate thoughts & prayers. I wish I had written the date on it, but I know for sure it was written in our old house so at the least more than 3-4 years ago. Specifically it is a "Your Best Life Now Journal." (This will not be a debate over the worth or value of Joel Osteen's message or intentions. Frankly I don't care what you may think of him, God spoke to me through watching him on television years ago before I had a church family and that is all the matters at the moment.) What I'd written was a detailed explanation of my heart's desires and my dreams. It was an assignment asking readers to "enlarge their vision" not unlike the Prayer of Jabez really. So th…

Being a mom is hard sometimes..

In all the commotion of taking pictures & then eating dinner out & renting movies & spending some family time together, I completely forgot about my DD's surprise tooth falling out. That's why I had such a hard time waking up this morning & understanding what my distraught little girl was talking about. I'd been in a deep sleep with an intense dream going on and there she was standing by my bed on a Saturday at not quite 8:00 in the morning. My first thought, of course, was selfishly "so much for sleeping in ONE day a week.." My second thought was why on earth does she need glitter this early in the morning?! And as her words finally hit home, my final thought was "OH NO! I FORGOT ABOUT THE TOOTH FAIRY!"
My sweet & innocent little princess was asking for glitter to put on her letter she'd written to the tooth fairy. She said that she woke up and her tooth was still under her pillow where she'd put it the night before without s…

Friday the 13th

When I set up our family pictures for a Friday it seemed the logical choice. Friday is the ONLY day we don't have something going on thanks to karate, dance & wrestling practices for the kids. When I wrote it down I kinda noticed it was Friday the 13th but didn't really pay much attention. When today rolled around I'd forgotten completely about the date. Even when I did calendar with my class I didn't really notice the date. I didn't think of it when I'd blown across town after school hitting every red light, getting stuck behind one slow moving semi after another, and being wedged between a huge trailer and a big truck.. I didn't think of it when I got home to find my son still in the shower when my daughter needed to be getting in as soon as we got there. I didn't think of it when I dropped my rather expensive powdery mineral makeup all over the bathroom sink and OF COURSE all over my sweater I'd just changed into so I wouldn't get makeup …

My bestie of 10 years


My husband - the BLACK BELT!

Why would we want to eat TRASH?

"A wise person is hungry for truth, while the fool feeds on trash." Proverbs 15:14

Wow. That just really puts it out there doesn't it. I got that verse from Rick Warren's twitter post this morning & it just jumped off the screen to me. What do I feed on? What is my daily intake? Television, internet, movies, music, all of it. I could definately call most of television today - TRASH! I watch my fair share of my favorite programs, so I would say this is my weakest area. Most importantly, what spiritual intake do I have. Once a week, an hour of church on Sunday morning? Like that's enough? I really believe INTAKE=OUTAKE & Trash In-Trash Out. In other words, these influences in our lives influence us! We should be hungry for truth. What is truth? THE WORD OF GOD! We are basically sitting around eating a greesy cheeseburger made by some kid who probably doesn't wash his hands very often when God has offered us a fat juicy steak, untouched, cooked perfectly …

what plans?

Seems nothing has gone the way I'd planned these past few weeks. Whatever I said I was gonna do, I ended up doing the opposite. I hate that. I'm really not a big planner, but if I say I'm going to do something then I'm going to do it. I don't like being made into a liar. But life has had it's own ideas lately and I've felt like I'm just along for the ride. Not that I ever actually have control. God is the one in control of course, but sometimes I can get to feeling like I have some sense of control over my life. Maybe that's why things start to fall apart at that time - so that I'll be reminded to depend on Him & not my plans. Sometimes I have to be knocked down to get back on my knees where I belong.
That said, I've been disapointed with myself as a wife & mom. I feel like I should be doing better at taking care of my home, staying on top of things, being in control of my household. So much of me goes into my classroom everyday that …


There comes a time when you stop being just friends & become sisters.

I remember reading this quote & thinking how much I wanted that. I wanted friends that I spent every moment with, attached at the hip, knew everything about them & they knew everything about me. I thought that's what that quote meant..

Now I've come to realize, through personal experience, what becoming family with former strangers really means. It's an unconditional love thing. It's not a time thing. It doesn't mean that you get to see each other everyday because life just doesn't work that way. It doesn't mean that you have to know everything that goes on in each other's lives either. It's simply that this girl is your sister- you would do anything in the world for her, and no matter what she says or does, you love her just the same. That's the thing about families - they can hurt you more than the average person can because you've opened yourself up to them, b…