Trusting

Not sure at what point this became a blog about tmj, but I believe I've run off any followers because it has, lol. No one likes to read complaining and negativity, I know, so can't say I blame you!
Tonight I am feeling very over-medicated and I hate that! I am eager to get my ibuprofen renewed because it doesn't make me feel like this. Talking to the dr office today got me a stern lecture about how, in my case, it's very important that I keep a splint in 24/7. We are trying to keep the disc from slipping back out she said and suggested that I brush my top teeth while wearing my lower/daytime splint and then keep my mouth open while switching to the upper/nighttime splint to brush my lower teeth. Wow. She said if I were to close my mouth and swallow without wearing one of the splints, I run the risk of the joint dislocating again and being back to square one with the loud painful popping when I open my mouth. I remember what happens then.. I drive 2 hrs down there to have him FORCE my jaw open.. OUCH! Yeah, I remember that all too well. So much for the cheating.
So now I am back to soup and smoothies I guess. They recommend a soft food diet for at least the first 6 weeks. I'm like DUH. Because it's impossible to eat anything that you have to really chew with this appliance in.
They want me taking the ibuprofen 3 times a day now and the muscle relaxer at night. This is on top of the several vitamin supplements they gave me to take twice a day. This is a real pain for me because I HATE taking pills. I'm no good at it. Oh and let's not forget the anxiety control one they want me taking 4 times a day. UGH!
Well guess I'm done venting. Halfway thru this I got up to go get the Superhero from karate and had to run to make it to the bathroom before I started throwing up. Yay. This made me late of course. He spent the whole ride home telling me how much he hates being the last one picked up and how I promised I would be there early. :(
No matter what I've said before, THIS is the hardest part of it all.. the letting my kids down. They can't understand that mommy is just hurting and stressed out by the end of the day and doesn't mean to be so short with them. They can't understand my meds making me loopy or nauseated. They can't understand the headaches, the need to lay on the couch with my heating pad, the stinginess with the soup & the Boost. All they know is Momma isn't much fun these days. It breaks my heart to be less than the mom they deserve. I stress over that a lot. All I can do is cling to the promise that God is in control here and trust He's taking care of things. I saw this quote on facebook today and it really hit home for me so I'm gonna close with it.

 When a train goes thru a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer. ~Corrie Ten Boom