Ferman

Reading thru my recent posts I see a trend.. a heavy heart. I'm dealing the best I can with things right now, and just need grace from the people in my life to let me have time to find my way back to my usual happy-go-lucky, positive self. Spending this weekend with my children, my sister & my sweet nephews has certainly helped. We laughed about a little song that Superhero used to sing all the time. He made it up himself and used his fingers to make a little man dancing while he sang it. Since it brought a smile to me, I thought I'd post it so I'll never forget it. There were many other verses but this one is the one that sticks out in my mind.

"Ferman"

My name is Ferman,

I like to dance.

My name is Ferman,

I wear pants.

(lots of giggling)

My name is Ferman,

I drink juuuuice.

My name is Ferman,

There's no excuse.

Pathetic?

What's pathetic.. a full grown adult talking to a child in a way they'd never talk to another adult.. not being able to find enough patience to withstand the laughter of children.. a 20 minute time-out for a 6 year old. Pathetic is criticizing the work of a young child by using the word "pathetic."

just breathing

I've been told to "just breathe" a lot lately. Maybe it's because I'm not handling things real well right now. I know that each individual thing, if it had happened any month besides this one, I could have taken it in stride. But when things have started piling up and it's another stressor added to the list, I find it more difficult to handle with a smile on my face. I know that breathing is important. You have to take a deep breath and put things into perspective. Don't overreact or get emotional. God will never give you more than you can handle even if it doesn't feel like that at the time. It's easy for someone else to stand there and tell you to "breathe" when it's not their life. So simple for them to remind you to stay positive.
I was thinking just this when I checked my facebook and saw the link for "your message from God" app. It has given me a timely response before, but never like this. Reading this gave me goose bumps.. it said..

On this day, God wants you to know...
... that when you are feeling anxious, remember to breathe. Allow yourself to breathe in and out slowly. Allow your breath to bring you to a place of calmness. Allow yourself to be calm like the eye in the center of the storm.

I'm definitely feeling like I'm caught in a storm right now. Guess it's time to find the calm. Sometimes "just breathing" is all you can do.

When it feels like it's all falling apart

Some days your world just seems to crumble. Sometimes all the little things you are holding in the air at once, juggling your tasks, emotions, and responsiblities, just have to fall. Like when you find yourself sick with no time to go to the doctor and your to-do list just keeps getting longer and someone has mistreated your children and your DVR quits working so you're missing your favorite shows, and your boss drops a BOMB like saying your classroom has to be completely boxed up before you check out in May, and you just want to go see your sister & nephews but you know you have too much to do and it makes you sick because you miss them so bad, and anxious thoughts have overtaken your mind robbing you of peace you know you should have in Jesus, and you're running in a hundred different directions not feeling like you're making a difference in any area, and your house is a wreck no matter how much you clean it, and you don't have time to do your own laundry because there's always others' to do, and you're run down feeling like your body just won't move as fast as you will it to, and you're spending so much time at work that you feel guilty for the lack of time with your kids, and the stress is showing, physically, so that now you stress about your appearance, and you're so close to tears that the slightest criticism could break you, and you've forgotten about picture day, snack day, or simply that you need to pick up your child before you go home and this guilt starts to nag away at you piling up on top of the critical things you say to yourself...

Sometimes all you can do is STOP trying to hold it all together and just let go.. and let God.

I have to remind myself of that whenever one thing goes wrong after another and life seems to be too much for me to handle. I can't manage my life on my own, I'll fail everytime. It's only by God's Grace that I can make it in this fallen, lonely, corrupt world. I don't know HOW I'm going to get thru some of this stuff, but I do know WHO is going to get me thru it.. and that's my Savior. That's all I really need to know. He is my blessed assurance, my peace, my breath of life.. so when I find it too hard to breathe, I know.. I just need more of Him.

Hurt Feelings

I'm so mad right now as I'm typing with tears streaming down my face. The hurt that I just experienced surrounding my little girl is almost more than I can bear. This is the hardest part of being a mother-knowing your precious angel has been damaged in some way and there's nothing you can do about it. When someone who your little one is supposed to be able to trust is hateful and thoughtless to them, they are crushed. My Princess has endured this pretty well and I've tried to explain that some people are just cranky or snotty sometimes and that they don't really mean to hurt us. Today though, she'd had her fill and she broke down. She fought to hold back her tears and just explained things to me calmly and then she said the saddest little words I've ever heard "I don't know what, Momma, but it kinda hurt my feelings." After saying that, the waterfall began. It was clear that by "kinda" she meant "really-but I'm trying to be tough about it." I let her cry as she recalled to me the glares, snide comments, sarcastic remarks, hateful words and tone of voice that had been bothering her but she'd not talked about until now. Most of it she didn't really understand, and she seemed confused about. We talked more before bed and she stressed over it like no 8 year old should ever have to. I said the prayer tonight and we prayed thanking God for all the people in her life who love her, especially Jesus. We also prayed for those who had hurt her.

With her Daddy out on fires, I'm dealing with this one alone. When we prayed for him & all the firefighters tonight, Superhero started crying. He was obviously feeling our stress because he dug out old stuffed animals from his Nana & Pappy saying it was close to his dad. Talking to Dad on the phone tonight was almost too much. I tucked both my babies into bed tonight wiping away tears and holding back my own. Being a mom is so hard sometimes. When your children are hurting, your heart just aches for them. God gives us the desire to protect them knowing we can't actually do it. It's such a conflict within us. I imagine God feels the same way about us.. His children. So I'm praying tonight for wisdom to know how to deal with all this, peace from knowing that He is taking care of my children when I am not there, and patience for ALL the children in my life.. because I hope I NEVER make a child feel the way mine did tonight.

What's an egg hunt w/out a 4-wheeler?

This was an Easter to remember! I'm so thankful for my in-laws and all the thought & work they put in to making Easter special for the kids. We had a scavenger hunt with clues inside of plastic eggs that were hidden all over the family land. Superhero & I teamed up, Princess with her Daddy and my b-i-l & s-i-l took their 4 yr old with them. We recieved our first clue and the game began! We ran out to our 4-wheelers and took off to the shop! As we read the little poems inside the eggs together, Superhero would breathlessly point out words he knew and squeal when he understood where we were going next. He bailed off the 4-wheeler and sprinted to find the next egg. If he saw a member of another team off in the distance he would jump up and down and yell "hurry Momma, they're gainin' on us!" His excitement made it an experience I'll never forget. By the time we had clue #10 and had made it back to the house to find the grand prize, I just knew this would be a new tradition in our family. The kids had a blast.. and so did the adults!