So I'm not very good at 'suffering in silence'

Gonna allow myself a little venting so feel free to skip this one if you can't handle it. IT'S MY BLOG & I'LL CRY IF I WANT TO!
I have now added mouth sores to my list of what ails me. These stupid splints have my gums swollen so bad that when I pop it in I get this burst of fresh intense pain that makes me feel like I could pass out for a split second. Then I fight the urge to rip it back out of my mouth all day long. I've attempted eating with it in and just ended up crying over it. Pathetic. I know it takes awhile to get used to, but I was a stay-at-home mom the last time I went thru this. Now I have to eat lunch on the run at school while doing a hundred other things and it's so not working out for me. I'm depressed, I admit it. The constant chronic pain of my neck, back, shoulder and not to mention my JAW and FACE and HEAD are wearing me down. When will I get relief? My prayers have been spent asking for strength and patience to withstand but I think I'm going to have to start praying now for my sanity. I need to start praying that the people in my life don't lose their patience with me. I need to pray that they'll love me anyway, despite my being down and not give up on me. After all, what is that quote -"..but if you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best!"
Not sure I can profess that so boldly. I feel like everyone should probably flee from me though I long deeply for them not to. The Firefighter said "there's like this dark cloud around you." Nice. All I can say is I'm trying. I don't want to be dealing with this. I don't want to feel this way. I'm just trying to take one day at a time and not feel completely overwhelmed.
The worst is feeling like I'm failing as a witness. I know my God is bigger than this. I know my God will never let me down. I know my present suffering is nothing compared to the glory to come. I know these things.. but am I sharing that message with my attitude? No. Am I leading others to his everlasting love by being so easily defeated? Of course not. This guilt just piles on top of everything else right now though. Lord, forgive me. I thought I was stronger than this. I thought my faith was stronger than this. I surrender to your will, God, I know I'm always in your loving arms and that IS enough for me.



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