Limitations

A long miserably hard week meant a Saturday curled up on the couch w/ my heating pad. I had so much I needed to do but I couldn't get up and go do it. I knew I'd be behind on Sunday now, but figured I'd squeeze it all in somehow and slept most of the day away.
Sat evening was a friend's birthday dinner and the Firefighter was convinced there was no way I would make it there. I had taken my pain meds but they weren't helping much as usual so I decided to go ahead and take the nighttime meds early. This allowed me to drag myself to dinner and nibbled on an enchilada with my splint sitting in my purse. I enjoyed my friends company and I'm glad I went, but man I couldn't wait to get laid back down on the couch again. I went to bed not long after I got home.
Sunday I slept til 9 and barely managed to get me & the kids to church on time. The service lasted longer than usual and by the time I got out of there it was 12:30. We ran home to change then darted in a store to get a bday gift for a friend's little girl and attempt to get the Diva's basketball shoes with no luck on her size. We stopped by Sonic to grab some lunch on the run and by then it was 1:30. There was no way we'd make the birthday party now and basketball practice started at 2. I texted my friend to say sorry we wouldn't make it and headed to the gym. Me & the kids ate our lunch quickly in the car and then it was basketball time.
Two hours later here I am back on my heating pad on the couch with a horrible headache and a lot of guilt. I'm so frustrated by the limitations on my energy level. I just want my life back, as normal, but I know that's a waste of wishes right now. Adjustment period-that's what they call it-just a few months they say.. what they really mean is changing your life takes some getting used to. Well I don't want to get used to it. I don't want to have to limit myself or choose only one thing when I'm so used to figuring out a way to DO IT ALL. I don't want to let anyone down. I want to be there for everyone. Knowing I can't makes me want to throw a big toddler screaming & crying fit!
Right now I should be in Wal-mart buying groceries and things we need for the next two weeks or so. Since I can't make myself do that, I won't have any soft foods to take to school for lunch and I have cafeteria duty this week too. It's so depressing to think of how hard it is to get caught back up once you've fallen behind. And if there's less you can manage each day.. so you just keep letting things pile up, how will you ever get your head above water again? I know I'm going to have to start just saying NO to things, to people and I dread it, but what else can I do?
This isn't a good picture, but it shows my proud
accomplishment of making it to B's birthday dinner with
my ladiez. I may have been overly medicated and
not all myself, but I was there and that's what counts.
Time to accept things the way they are.. as different than the way they were and make the best of it. No more complaining. It is what it is.. right :)

Photobucket

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