Monday, September 27, 2010

Just a Dream

I had a dream the other night that I was dying. I don't remember many details, just that I was growing weaker each day and that I had limited time left. It was a deep and emotional dream. I had little get-togethers with different groups of people to say my goodbyes. I had so much I needed to say and do before I'd be ready. I gathered all my girls around me, telling them that I would depend on them to take care of my grieving family. I explained how I wanted the funeral to be and they each volunteered different things to take care of the arrangements. It was very formal, very business. I was not afraid, but I was hurting over the thought of motherless children. My sub-conscious must've been unable to grasp that kind of sadness because it didn't dwell on that long. It was eye-opening really. I had so many people I desired final words with.. some I hadn't spoken to in a really long time. My heart goes back to "If I had only known." I think in my dream I was happy and at peace to have the time to say my goodbyes to every single person in my life. There would not be another one of them taken from me too soon or suddenly. I know, most likely that I will not be so lucky in reality. I can only hope that I've done or said enough now to show how I feel. So many people.. I must be sure not to waste any opportunity.

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