Don't lose Heart

Isn't it Friday yet? I really thought it was. Here it is a short week and I still feel like it's the longest week ever. I know I should not be 'living for the weekends' but I find myself looking forward to the next "thing" coming up with family, friends, celebrations, holidays, anything besides the day to day. I guess when things are just hard, you do what you can to get thru, right? I don't like that. I know that if I had a loved one with a life threatening disease or something I'd feel differently about my precious time. I rush it right now, certainly not being a good steward of the gift of time. Then I mope or drag thru family things at home and wish I'd had more energy to do the things with my kids that I want to do. I feel like I sacrifice so much for this job, and my family does too.. and for what? FOR WHAT?? A measly paycheck? Of course not, but really I can't help but think -where does it get me?
I get to thinking about the bigger picture and what really matters and I wonder sometimes if I'm doing the right thing after all. I mean, if I'm less of a wife or mother how can that be what God wants for my life? I know I'm only a teacher because I felt God led me to be one, but did He intend the cost? Or am I just slacking? I've seen how He gives me the tools needed for the job, but I pour so much of myself out during the day that I feel like I have nothing left to give when I get home. My patience is gone, my nerves are shot, I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted and I just want to SIT DOWN more than anything else in the whole world. The Firefighter tries to pick up my slack, which I am so grateful for, but this "zombie" version of me annoys even me! Every year it's the same thing, my doctor always wants to do a mono check because he's so sure that's what's wrong with me when I come in after school.
I continue to pray about it. Right now I feel like that's where He wants me to be. And I know that He's the one who puts these kids in my life. I will keep giving all I can to finding what each one needs and following God's will. I know He will continue to use me as long as I can keep my heart open. It is, after all, He who I am serving.. and His rewards are great :) for those who do not give up, for those who do not lose heart.



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