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TOTALLY random! lol

We don't always get to choose the people in our lives. Sometimes they choose us. In fact what are the odds that the person who you most adore will adore you the most back? Rare, I'd say.

I like to seek out the good in people and there's certain qualities I admire: honesty, loyalty, sincerity, generousity, kindness, straight-forwardness, character, grace.. but the people we gravitate toward aren't always ones with these same qualities. In fact they may be lacking in what we value, but rather are outgoing, charming & full of witt or sarcasm or humor. It's the people who, for some reason, when we leave their presence, we feel good, and we're not sure why. These people want everyone to like them and they usually succeed. I mean, how could you not? They are fun to be around. It might be that these people have qualities that you wish you had. The problem with that is that they have lots of friends, and only ever let maybe two or three really "in." So when you're on the outside of that, and you love & care about them but hate how they don't tell you things or you feel like they don't care, you start to feel a little disillusioned. Like they've fallen from grace, so to speak, in your eyes. Maybe they're not as wonderful as we thought. NOT that you had any right to put them on a pedestal in the first place of course. Then you turn it on yourself & say maybe "I'm" not that wonderful and that's the problem. After all, who says we deserve anything from anyone anyway?
I was watching Grey's re-runs the other night & the thought hit me - I'm Izzie! That's me. There's always been a Meredith in my life who everyone thought was amazing & who I adored & would've done anything for.. and then the Yang came. So Izzie is nice to Yang & the three hang out all the while knowing that Yang & Meredith are each other's number 1 and Izzie is kinda just on the sidelines, along for the ride. Who is her number 1? And the sad thing is that Meredith & Yang feed off each other's negativity, they actually reinforce each other's issues and make them worse. Kinda a misery loves company thing I guess. And yet, we all love the two of them together, it's my favorite element of the whole show!
Now don't get me wrong, I know I have lots of friends, really good ones, who are amazing & I love them so much it hurts sometimes. I guess that's just the way God made me, a deep feeler.. if that's even a word, lol. I'm okay with that. I know that comes with pain sometimes, but I'm willing to take the risk with people because I believe people are what matters. Lol, that's exactly the phrase Meredith & Yang poke fun at and disagree with on one episode so that shows I wouldn't be cool enough to hang w/ them! Ha! It's okay to be Izzie tho. She may not have always gotten what she wanted in way of friendships, but what she did get was love. Real love. And she wasn't afraid to jump in head first even after she'd been hurt before.. and it was so worth it in the end. Yep, I'm definately Izzie :)



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